Friday, July 15, 2005

Wracked with ambivalence yet again

Well, there's still no definitive word on that job I was so hopeful was mine earlier this week. It now seems that the person who is hiring is trying to decide among a few fabulous candidates, for I was given another editing/writing job to do (happily, I'll get paid for this one), due Monday.

The good news is the job hasn't gone away completely; the bad news is the longer it takes to land, the less sure I am that I'm interested in it. In my experience, black and white, yes and no thinking can be done only on the quick; the grays start to emerge when one has time to ponder. And I've had enough time to ask myself, in all sincerity: Do I really want to learn all there is to learn about metals? The manufacturing sector? Inventories?

But another series of questions come to mind, too: Do I really want to pull my own weight financially? And is anyone else offering me a way to do just that? Is the temp job lady ever going to find me something??

Yup, here I am, strapped onto the ambivalence rack yet again, for the 3, 256th time in my life.

I spend more time here than anywhere, so you'd think I'd enjoy it by now, but no.

So, I'm going to go run an errand or two, then get on the rower, in the hopes it will help me see my way to some clarity on these questions. Or at least let me feel as though I've done something productive today, besides take an early-morning trip to the local recycling center.

The end of the week total of jobs applied for and whose status is unknown: 52. Number of jobs applied for and whose status is (sadly) known: 9. Number of jobs applied for and in the running for: 1.

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