Tuesday, February 27, 2007

What would you do?

We still have a stove on our back porch that doesn't fit our kitchen.

Had a local carpenter look at it, and her estimate for fitting said stove in our kitchen is approximately half the cost of the stove.

Yes, this is getting out of hand, all because a salesman won't admit a mistake and the store itself isn't terribly interested in making things right with us.

Ah, the downside of "buying local" is becoming more clear every day. At least with a MegaStore, one could voice one's displeasure via an impersonal 800 line, write the CEO of the company, and beyond.

What can we do with these "Buy Local" bad boys? Call the Better Business Bureau? The Attorney General? Their mothers?

What?!

Thank goddess Linda has a seemingly endless array of crock pot recipes....something tells me we're going to need them.....

P.S.: If you want to know the name of the local store that's giving us the run-around, give me a call. I'd post it here, but my experience is that bad companies tend toward the touchy. And have lawyers on retainer....

Sunday, February 25, 2007

One of the best shows E-VAH!

Wow, did the "Girls! Girls! Girls!" franchise ever hit a new high last night. The room was packed to the rafters and just about everyone was there to laugh themselves silly.

Even the mayor of Northampton, M.C. Higgins (almost sounds like a hip-hop moniker, but trust me, she doesn't roll like that...at least she doesn't appear to roll like that 8-).

From what I could hear in the "green room", Jessie, Arielle, Erin and Jennifer had great sets--Jennifer in particular (she's my comedy buddy, true, but I know when the people are having the best time ever, and Jennifer took the people there early and often).

I, personally, was particularly taken by her new material on Big Company (TM), though must say I feel a little guilty for playing a small part in her working for BC. It it appears to be a source of tremendous pain as well as tremendous material. (But is there ever material without pain? Perhaps this is a ponder for another time.)

Anyway, my set went just about as well as it ever has in this life. The folks roared at things that usually get mild chuckles, but then, they were strangely reticent about some bits that usually score big. But overall, the crowd was with me the whole time, almost overwhelmingly so.

But good overwhelming, don't get me wrong.

It sure didn't hurt that there was a sizable lesbian contingent in the room,and the straight-but-not-narrow population was there in force, too.

Afterwards, while we were waiting for our checks, a nice lady came by to congratulate us on the show, noting the courage it takes to do what we do. Once she was out of earshot, the comebacks began, something like this: "Courage? It's a sickness!" "It's not courage, it's a compulsion!" "Thanks to my abusive childhood, I need affirmation every breathing minute!" And so on. Ah, la vie comedienne--it's not for the well-adjusted.

So, last night's show was one for the record-books, and also featured a little comic camaraderie and a check.

Could I ask for anything more? Can't imagine. Just hope I remember this night the next time I have a show that saps my will to live, much less to do The Comedy.

Thursday, February 22, 2007

What'll they think of next?!

Just realized the irony of something I wrote about recently at work. Not that each day at Big Company (TM registered to Jennifer Myszkowski) doesn't drip with irony, but this week's "find" really hit a new low.

I've been rather disgusted by how little the Bush Administration has been doing about global warming. They won't require automakers to increase fuel efficiency, turn up their noses at alternative fuels (unless the alternative fuel is called "coal," of course), and have refused to sign on to the Kyoto Protocols, among other things.

However, that's not to say they're doing nothing about global warming. They are.

Just this week, in fact, I learned that the Administration is requiring manufacturers of albuterol inhalers (mostly for folks with asthma, like yours truly) to make inhalers all of their products without nasty fluorocarbons by 2008.

And here I am, liberal tree-hugger of the Western World, who realizes I've been carrying around one of these deforesting, sea-level raising tools of destruction for years now. Every time I took a puff, apparently, I was making one more polar bear swim for his life.....

Who knew?!


Thanks to the FDA, all of my fellow asthmatics can breathe easier now--once the new inhalers get in circulation, we won't have to choose between filling our lungs or ruining the environment.

Whew!

Of course, the beauty part is that not only can the Administration look like it's doing something about global warming with this idle gesture, it's also making its pals in the pharmaceutical industries happy. For of course, the new "green" inhalers may be free of fluorocarbons, but they're new, so they're not free of patents. As a result, they'll be a lot more expensive than the old, generic polluting albuterol of yore.

Ah, the GOP. Can't help screwing the American public--asthmatics, for pity's sake--even when doing "good."

Sunday, February 18, 2007

This was the week that was....

Well, we're both recovering nicely from the past week, which has been one of the archives--the archives named, "Please God: Don't Make Me Go Through Anything Remotely Like THIS Again."

Having to help Oatmeal into the Hereafter was the worst part of the week, but certainly not the only bad patch. On the same day we took the long drive to Springfield, Linus got himself stuck down in the basement. Trust me, you haven't lived until you've tried to get an arthritic and anxious animal to go up a flight of stairs.

The petsitter was called in (Saint Melanie is how I think of her lately), and together we carried him up the stairs--wrapped in a blanket. It all happened so fast, he forgot to struggle (haven't seen him look that surprised since he got his temperature taken).

We also had a stove delivered from a local shop (who shall remain nameless and therefore blameless for the non) and after three men puttered and muttered over it for about an hour, I was told we had bought the wrong kind of stove for the space in our kitchen. And since we had "special ordered" said stove (news to me, but nevermind), we were stuck with it. (That we chose this particular model on the advice of the salesman at said shop mattered not as well--it was a "special order" and they were not taking it back.)

They said we needed a carpenter to reconfigure our cabinet, but had no idea as to who to call or what it might cost.

Isn't that just special?

Not the usual Buy Local success story, to put it mildly. (If we wanted crap service, we could have ordered the wrong stove from a Big Box store that likely would have taken it back--we would have been charged for the exchange somehow, I'm sure, but not as much as we're likely gonna get stuck to get the appliance off the back porch and into the kitchen where it belongs.)

But don't worry, we're not soured on the Buy Local premise entirely. Yesterday we blew a nice chunk o' money at a local women's clothing store, courtesy of Linda's mother. Thanks, Mom!

That bright spot aside, what I have to say about last week is unprintable, but I'll sum it up, simply, with PHOOEY!

As for good news, there is some on the horizon. The Girls! Girls! Girls! show of shows (see below) is next Saturday, and I, for one, am looking forward to it. Haven't seen any of the Boston crowd for a while, and I am looking forward in particular to seeing what Erin Judge is up to, comedy-wise.

Methinks a hoot is in the offing--hope you can make it!

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Oatmeal, 1990-2007


Oatmeal (shown here in happier times with Shwea, a fellow sun-worshipper and avid napper) was convulsing when we checked in on him last night, so we did what we had to do. Visited the local emergency shelter and had him put down. He was 17, and died after a short and unsuccessful fight with kidney disease.
Poor kitty. Am hoping that if there is any Hereafter for Oatie, it involves lots of head scratches, tap water running 24/7, commodious laps, and beings who love him without reservation--and without allergies. Maybe even old Butler boy as well (though he was grouchy; but then, perhaps eternity agrees with him).
On other fronts, I was forced by Blogger--today of all days--to adopt the dubious Google approach to this site, and I am not happy about it. The only upside is that I found about five reader comments that I was supposed to moderate (who knew?) but didn't, since I had no idea I had requested the privelege.
File under: Oops!
Even have a cranky message, which is rather funny. Honey--I can't be accused of not posting you, for I didn't even know you were there! (But why rain facts on a good rant, eh? Pardon me.)

Sunday, February 11, 2007

Nursing cats = Herding cats

Linda and I have been endeavoring to treat her cat--okay, our cat--Oatmeal's kidney failure for the past week. To do this, each morning we put a needle under his skin and watch ringer's solution drain into his body.

How is it going? Neither of us are morning people, so mornings have never been a time for jubilation around here. Adding this procedure to our a.m. has added a new level of suck to each day, there's no pretty way to put it.

However, it is making Oatie better, which has been proven by the growing resistance he's putting up, which makes keeping said needle in his skin and so forth that much more challenging. He doesn't know that what we're doing is saving his cookies, but sees it rather as a very rude--and likely painful--process he'd rather not endure. And who can blame him?

Believe me, I'd rather not endure it, either, but it's the only thing we can do for him at this stage of his illness, so off we go....

Linda had me doing the sticking part, but today she did it--and I couldn't be happier. I'd rather deal with a bucking bronco than puncturing a puddy-tat. Any day o' the week.

Not that I expect to have to make this choice any other time of my life, but life's crazy like that. Crazier.

Thursday, February 08, 2007

Heckle and Jeckle stayed home!

The show at Goomba's went well, praise be to Whomever. I was braced for a heckle-a-thon, but happily, the two people who might have qualified were in a back room, where I could neither see nor hear them.

According to reliable sources (okay, my Comedy Buddy Jennifer), a man and woman (married, most like) got their grump on every time I mentioned anything with a positive gay spin or about the Democratic Party.

In other words, they must have been sputtering and muttering throughout my set.

(Of course, I couldn't be happier about that.)

I did hear them later, when the headliner performed. The man of the couple bellowed "NOOOOOOOO!" in response to his question, "Did anybody see 'Brokeback Mountain'?" as though his very humanity was at stake. They seemed quite amused by the comic's sometimes stereotypical musings on the differences between men and women--but then again, so did everybody else there (even a couple of guys who read gay as the day is long). Amused isn't quite the word. They roared.

Whoa. Granby, CT sure isn't Northampton, MA--in case you're wondering.

Actually, most of the audience was happy to go along with my comic attempts, and laughed generously--just not as much as they did for the headliner, but that's why he's a headliner. A few folks even thanked me afterwards. So while I was braced for a night of heckling heck, I actually had a pretty good night of it.

And a free dinner--how can you beat that?

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

Girls! Girls! Girls! Read all about it!

Girls! Girls! Girls! is guaranteed entertainment
Popular all-women comedy show features talent from the Valley and beyond

Mid-winter doldrums be damned! Girls! Girls! Girls! (a night of women comics) is back, and just moments before cabin fever drives us all mad. On Saturday, February 24, 2007 at 8 p.m., feast your eyes on Jessie Baade, Arielle Goldman, Erin Judge, and Ann Podolske as each takes to the stage to tickle your funny bone – and your fancy. No stone will be left unturned! No cow is too sacred for these rapier wits. Local comic Jennifer Myszkowski hosts, produces and gets altogether too worked up over this recurring series at the Pioneer Arts Center of Easthampton (PACE), 41 Union Street in Easthampton.

Tickets are $10 in advance, $12 at the door and are available by calling 413-527-3700 or logging on to
www.pioneerarts.org.

Artist Bios

An actor, comic and writer, Jessie Baade has been plying her comic arts for more than fifteen years all over the eastern seaboard. Some recent highlights: Mamapalooza (Momedy Comedy) and the Nick at Night Funniest Mom contest. Pregnancy, epilepsy and N.Y.C. – it’s all fair game. Jessie earned her SAG card working commercials, so in addition to Girls! Girls! Girls!, you can see her on a television near you.


Arielle Goldman has been performing sketch and stand-up in and around Boston for more than three years, turning her need for constant attention into quality entertainment. Her life goal is to be creative AND have health insurance. At the same time. She’ll settle for nothing less.

Erin Judge has red hair and rocks. By "rocks" we mean "is awesome," not that she has rocks. Although it certainly takes rocks to get up on stage and perform the way she does. Erin was recently named one of "Six Breakout Boston Comics" by the Boston Herald. She hosts every Sunday night at the world-famous Comedy Studio in Harvard Square. Learn more at erinjudge.com.

Whether discussing her misspent years as a straight girl, her non-PC Peace Corps experience, or the regressive right’s most cherished illusions, Ann Podolske proves the personal is political—and pretty darn hilarious. Born in Wisconsin, Ann has lived all over the world, and now calls Northampton home. And that’s lucky for us. Her milquetoast-y exterior belies her “understated, but lethal wit” (Somerville News, 6/24/2006). She’s performed as part of the Laughing Liberally tour, can be seen regularly on stages around New England and is a regular Girls! Girls! Girls! performer.

Jennifer Myszkowski grew up in Springfield, lives in Holyoke and performs all over the place in front of sober people who laugh and drunken people who heckle. Or should we say, “try to heckle,” because, brother, those people do not succeed. Tune in to Jennifer’s Weekly Radio Address (also known as the popular call-in show, Bear Swaps) on Bear Country 95.3 FM every Saturday morning from 8-10 a.m., pick up a copy of Girls Just Wanna Have Fun to read what she's thinking, or log on to her Web site jennifermyszkowski.com to learn more about her than you’ve ever cared to know.


(Courtesy of Jennifer Myszkowski, in case you were wondering.)

Sunday, February 04, 2007

Goombas, anyone?

Yes, I'm performing at a club called Goombas this Wednesday night, and from what I've heard, I will be praying quite a lot during my performance.

People have been known to heckle there, and hecklers just don't give me the warm fuzzies, you know?

True, some comics relish the opportunity to rip into heckle hounds, but I'm not one of them. I don't rip. Into. Anything.

With the possible exception of a bag of baked chips. (I'm on WW, remember?)

So, if you can't make it to Goombas this Wednesday--and it's a school night, so I perfectly understand if you can't--please do think kind, heckle-free thoughts for yours truly.

I'll report on the show Thursday, unless it requires more than one day to digest....

On the home front, on Saturday we received some bad news regarding our last cat, Oatmeal. His kidneys are failing, so tomorrow we're learning how to give him fluids in a procedure that will also entail quite a bit of conversation with a higher power of some sort. (It involves a needle, need I say more?)

This cat has been a source of frustration as well as sweetness, as anyone who knows me can attest. I've never been a cat person (I'm very allergic, for one thing), but have made strides towards being more cat-friendly in the name of serenity--Oatmeal and I have lived together for over 13 years, for heaven's sake, so I had to get over myself or be in a snit that entire time. Even I--Grudge Master of the Universe--find that prospect exhausting.

Oatmeal, for his part, has worked on me patiently and persistently, to the extent where I now pick him up a time or two each day, just to say hello.

No small thing, that.

But he also poops behind the furnace, throws up on rugs (never hard surfaces) with regularity, shreds our worldly goods to bits, and knocks over water glasses every chance he gets, so living with him has had its downsides, too.

The reality is, the little guy is dying, so all the downsides have to be put aside for the time being. Every living creature deserves to be treated as humanely as possible when facing the great What's Next, so we're going to keep him going until it's clear he doesn't want to go any more. Butler did a good job of letting us know he was done--here's hoping Oatie does too.

And once Oatmeal goes, we won't be a cat family any more. Am a little sad about that for no good reason--I'm allergic, remember?--but Oatmeal is the sort of cat who can inspire devotion despite irritation, bless his heart.

Which reminds me of a number of people I know, come to think, but that's a topic for another day.


Thursday, February 01, 2007

Go get squished!

A woman I did some freelance work for in California sent me news of Molly Ivins' death from breast cancer yesterday, with just one note: "Do get a mammogram." Molly put it a little more colorfully, as was her style, and I hope you don't mind my jumping on the mammo bandwagon:

If you are of the female persuasion and you have breasts that haven't been put through the wringer for over a year, get thee to a radiologist!

Common Dreams has a good obituary of her, and the reader comments pretty much sum up my feelings about Molly. She was brilliant, biting, and suffered no fools gladly--and used the language she learned growing up in Texas to tremendous effect. She was, in a word, a hoot.

Learned that she went to Smith, right here in Lesbianville, and that her mother went here as well. Love that she once had Northampton as her stamping ground, yes I do.

Also can't help but love the fact that her greatest wish was to die sober. And she did just that. Would love to follow her footsteps there as well.

But she was just 62, and you have to be young indeed not to be sad about that. What a loss...