Friday, July 01, 2005

Footloose and fancy free? I WISH!

I have some work to do, and am struggling with getting myself to buckle down and do it. Methinks it's residual animus from the Early Bird paycut my publisher inflicted on me last month, but it might just be pure, unmitigated sloth.

That's a family trait, can't do a thing about it. My mother was convinced we were a family of slugs, and even amused herself by coming up with a Podolske family motto that went something like this: "You can't wait till you feel like it." She even translated it into Latin, which went something like: "Non permissum est, vis faceri id."

(All Latin spellings and phrasings approximate--I've never studied Latin, and have had a lot of drinks/drugs since family mottos were a topic of regular discussion in my life, pardon me.)

So, here I sit, realizing I have lots to do, but absolutely no interest in doing any of it.

That said, I would really like a job to go to, and soon. During our vacation, I teased Linda for her need for structure (she can not just sit around and read, for example, she must have something to DO). It got so bad she announced that she was looking forward to going back to work.

Isn't that terrible?

Me, on the other hand, I love sitting around with nothing to do while on vacation, especially if a good book is handy. I am also content to pass out on the back screened-in porch, even if I wake up drooling to the sound of ice melting in my glass.

That's the mark of a successful holiday, say I.

But then, enough is enough. I've had my rest, had my lull, had my "free time," and now I want to work. I'd prefer to work somewhere nearby with nice people, but am beginning to think even somewhere far, far away with human barracuda would be preferable to this.

I know--I will regret thinking that, and am trying not to welcome that scenario. But I tried to do my visualization this morning, and the picture just wouldn't focus. Perhaps I'm visualizing the wrong thing--but please, dear goddess/God/Whomever, would you let me know what the right thing is, and soon?

Sadly, I need structure, too--thought I was more laissez-faire than all of that, but apparently I'm not.

Sometimes, I think middle age is designed primarily to ensure that all of one's youthful illusions are smashed to bits. Goddess knows I've have seen more than a few put out of their misery in recent months, and can't wait to see what little bit of disillusionment is coming up next. (And if you believe that....)

See, I need something to do, people, and I need it SOON!

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