There's no business like show business....

...and for that, we should all be eternally grateful!

Last night's show was a deadly, soul-crushing exercise in futility, but otherwise I had a great night. The comedic camaraderie was key--we had a three-comic carpool to the show, and Jennifer, Holly, and I all rose above the pervasive gloom.

Ice cream played a part, of course.

And Jennifer just about laughed herself into a stupor on the way home. I don't think I can begin to explain what prompted her hilarity, but suffice to say she was laughing so hard, Holly and I had no choice but to join her.

Yes, it was the sort of laugh one joins in on, even though one doesn't understand why the person is laughing. Such is the power of Jennifer's laugh, and believe me, it's a laugh a comic wants in her corner. And in her car. And especially, after a sh** storm extravaganza of a show.

Too bad a certain scribe doesn't venture to capture such moments for his tome.....

Constitution 1, Christian Crackpots 0

I haven't had a chance to check this story out, but in the words of my late grandmother, "It listens good." From a friend in NYC:

"On Wednesday, March 1st, 2006, in Annapolis at a hearing on the proposed Constitutional Amendment to prohibit gay marriage, Jamie Raskin, professor of law at AU, was requested to testify.

At the end of his testimony, Republican Senator Nancy Jacobs said: 'Mr. Raskin, my Bible says marriage is only between a man and a woman. What do you have to say about that?'

Raskin replied: 'Senator, when you took your oath of office, you placed your hand on the Bible and swore to uphold the Constitution. You did not place your hand on the Constitution and swear to uphold the Bible.'

The room erupted into applause."

On other fronts, Linda has March Madness (for the women's bracket only, need I add) and I am having a hard time getting interested in the whole enterprise. While I'm usually excited about the prospects of some team by now, the current contenders don't do a thing for me.

Alas. A lesbian lament....

Happiness is the end of tax-prep guilt!

It took two days and countless calculations (and re-calculations), but I finally have my tax information together for my tax preparer. Happiness!

It was funny to see I had many masters last year, ranging from the ol' unreliable (my full-time employer until they weren't), a temp agency, a metals industry reporting service, The Job Hunt (a taskmaster of its own, believe me), and The Comedy.

Speaking of The Comedy, I made a little money at it last year, but I spent much, much more. Was also stunned to see that I have driven--or perhaps more accurately, ridden--over 4,000 miles in pursuit of comic opportunities, most of them unpaid.

Makes a gal wonder....

Linda's been watching the NCAA women's basketball almost all day--I've watched some of it, but had to stick to my primary purpose this weekend, which was to compile numbers from fragments of paper. With all the sneaker squeaks, whistles, buzzers, and so on, all the games started to sound the same after a while, and I wondered how the commentators keep things fresh. But then, I got back to my numbers.....

Am I glad that as a full-time employee of a company I will have a lot less to contend with next tax time? You betcha! (But in case the gods and goddesses are paying attention, I wouldn't mind more records regarding paid comedy gigs, no, not in the least.)

In the news....

The Daily Hampshire Gazette ran an article about comics yesterday in their magazine, including yours truly. I am pleased that my name was spelled correctly, but that's about it.

Not that there was any mangling of my words, as has happened in the past. I just read the piece and had the song, "Is That All There Is?" pop into my head. There are no people of color interviewed in the piece, very little sense of the comedy scene and relationships among comics, and no pictures of anybody but white folks--straight white folks, I should add.

All I can say is it's got a point of view, and it is not one that I share. Or haven't, I should say, since the late 1980s.

Ah, life. Full of little disappointments.

As for something that's not disappointing, may I point you to the SHOWTIME series "Weeds"?

I haven't laughed that hard in ages. It's a wonder!

Spineless cretins....

My, I'm in a lather. Last week, a telemarketer for the Democratic Party called me to ask for money, and I helped him install a new orifice.

In my Midwestern way, of course.

I told him that the Democrats were pathetic, spineless and ineffectual, and the only Democrat worthy of the name these days was Russ Feingold--if anyone is going to get my money, it's him.

The telemarketer tried to tell me about "all the Democratic initiatives" that are underway that need my support, and I said, "That's what you said about John Kerry. I sent that man the biggest political donation of my life, and what did he do? He squandered it. Fool me once...."

And Russ Feingold? Now, he's a bit of Wisconsin's answer to Al Gore, but at least he's got something along the line of nerve--to introduce a call for censure in a Republican-controlled Congress is a gutsy move, IMHO, and I don't care if he hasn't a snowball's chance. Somebody's got to say something, for pity's sake, and if it's only going to be Russ, it's only going to be Russ.

Apparently, the other Democrats are giving him the cold shoulder, the cowards.

Well, then I'm giving them the cold shoulder. Okay, except perhaps for Tammy Baldwin, the lone lesbian state rep in my dearly beloved Cheddarland. I have to say, there are few things more attractive to me than an out lesbian in office. My heart be still.....

On other fronts, a comic who did a lot of jokes aimed at my peeps--gays and dykes, to be precise--got my knickers in an absolute twist last night. He was a straight, white male, and so his credentials to bash the homo community were not in order, IMHO. A lot of the jokes centered on the bad haircuts preferred by lesbians (what a revelation, eh?) and the mannish voices some of the gals have (ditto--he's right on the cutting edge, isn't he? Of 1956). The puddin' head even went so far as to try to pin the election debacle of 2000 on gay marriage. As though Kerry's spineless, sniveling, middle-of-the-road-to-nowhere campaign, coupled with electronic and Democratic precinct voter fraud, wasn't enough to seal our doom.

Oh no--by all means, let's blame the queers. Is there a scapegoat in the house?

At least when a regressive Christian crackpot blames gays for everything from 9/11 to the heartbreak of psoriasis, they are coming from a place of hate and ignorance. But when a comic--who protests he is a liberal, no less--tries to pin the tail on the queers, I get very, very angry. He should know better, but quite plainly, he does not. Nor do the folks who found him hilarious. Sigh.

It may be time to fire up some material about dating straight men, but then again, it might be better to let it go.

Can't let the homophobes get you down, "liberal" or not.

March Madness?

After months of existing with below-basic cable, Linda and I have decided to recognize the recent improvements in our finances by expanding our subscription to include ESPN (so we can watch the women's NCAA tournament) and SHOWTIME (so we can watch "The L Word"). Naturally.

(Methinks our lesbian credentials are in good order.)

Must admit, though, I'm looking forward to catching up on "Weeds" as well, the SHOWTIME series on a pot-dealing suburban widow, played by the fabulous Mary Louise Parker. (She's been a favorite since "Fried Green Tomatoes," of course, but I love her too for helping to make the middle name "Louise" far easier to bear.)

As for people I adore, I haven't quoted Molly Ivins for a least a month, so here's a gem from her latest on the CommonDreams site:

"As of Sept. 11, 2001, there were a few hundred people identified with al-Qaida's ideology. Even then, it was unclear the American military was the right tool for the job. Now, Rumsfeld is apparently prepared to put the full might of the U.S. military into this fight indefinitely, backed by the full panoply of ever-more expensive weapons and the whole hoorah. I don't think the people who got us into Iraq should be allowed to do this because, based on the evidence of Iraq, I don't think they have the sense God gave a duck."

My father was partial to the expression, "Hasn't got the brains God gave geese," so of course I'm taken with this--particularly in relation to the current Administration, which persists in the myth of Iraq's burgeoning democracy as the place and its people are blown to smithereens on a daily basis.

And I thought I had a problem with denial!

Wooo Howdy!

What a great night at The Studio! I can't think of more than a couple shows that went better than last night's. The people were not just laughing, they were roaring--and clapping. A lot. What a hoot!

You know, I was looking forward to St. Patrick's in Cambridge, but the bad-vibe gremlins had begun to chip away at my enthusiasm shortly after I arrived. I noticed the cluster of college-aged young men in front and thought, "Uh, oh. They're not going to know what to make of the likes of me." Then, I was in the bathroom, and a very young woman staggered by, and I thought, "Oh, jeez--this could be bad." The few middle-aged folks in the audience gave me some hope, but then I watched them during the first comic's set and thought, "Oh dear, they're a little stonefaced."

But you know, it all worked out, and The Comedy and I are friends again. Happiness.

All that was tempered a bit today, however, for one of my favorite relatives in Wisconsin is facing a major health scare. Her lungs are acting up, and none of the possible causes floated by her doctors give one much in the way of hope. She could have COPD, emphysema, or cancer.

Could we have a fourth option, please?

She's got a tremendous sense of humor and is being characteristically funny about this, but I can tell she's frightened. Who wouldn't be??? The only good news is I called her to tell her Linda and I were planning to visit her and her hubby in May, and she was glad to hear it. But she had to say, "Well, if I haven't gone under by then, we'll be happy to see you."

Who wants to lose a relative like that? No one, that's who!

I know I promised, but.....

I made noises about saying no more about the Oscars, but then my former bossman (he would hate that title) sent me an essay by Annie Proulx (author of the short story on which "Brokeback Mountain" was based), and I realized I had to share it. I recommend the entire essay, but this passage raises an issue that I think hasn't been raised anywhere else (and the fact that it appeared in a U.K. publication means it won't be raised here any time soon):

"The prize, as expected, went to Philip Seymour Hoffman for his brilliant portrayal of Capote, but in the months preceding the awards thing, there has been little discussion of acting styles and various approaches to character development by this year's nominees. Hollywood loves mimicry, the conversion of a film actor into the spittin' image of a once-living celeb. But which takes more skill, acting a person who strolled the boulevard a few decades ago and who left behind tapes, film, photographs, voice recordings and friends with strong memories, or the construction of characters from imagination and a few cold words on the page? I don't know. The subject never comes up. Cheers to David Strathairn, Joaquin Phoenix and Hoffman, but what about actors who start in the dark?"

Yes, what of Heath and Felicity and Jake and Michelle?

Oh, I know--get over it already, ya sore loser!

Will do. Someday. But not yet.

Why do you think they call it work?

Ah, it was just one of those days, actually. Well, it's been two.

Just a little harsh reality, is all. Nothing fatal.

But sometimes, a gal's gotta wonder: How petty and short-sighted can you get?

Then I watch the news, and realize some questions are not in the best interest of my serenity....

On other fronts, I get to perform in Cambridge's famous The Comedy Studio on this St. Patrick's Day, and I am very happy about it. My father, he who was 1/2 Irish, would be very happy, too, to see how I'm marking the day.

Dad was a jokebook reader and a wonderful audience to anyone who came up with their own jokes, even if they were just terrible.

Almost forgot (again)....

Had a good set at The Comedy Studio on Wednesday night--which was pretty easy, as every comic was having a good night (which makes everything nicer, if you ask me). Jennifer also performed, and left the audience weak from the laughter, bless her heart. I'll be back at the Studio this Friday--yes, St. Patrick's day in Cambridge. Watch out!

Spreading a bit of the blarney: What better way for a lesbian alcoholic comic to celebrate her Irish heritage, eh?

My last Oscar lament (promise)

“You know it's hard out here for a pimp
When he tryin to get this money for the rent
For the Cadillacs and gas money spent
Because a whole lot of bitches talkin shit
Will have a whole lot of bitches talkin shit”

Move over Cole Porter!

Sympathy for pimps, yes--but homos on the range? Forgetaboutit....

You know, it's hard out here for a dyke
When she tryin to get this money for her life
For the Forester and dog biscuits spent
Because a whole lot of (Hollywood) homophobes talkin shit
Will have a whole lot of homophobes talkin shit

Yeah, I know--don't quit your day or night jobs (not to worry).

One last thing on the Oscars--from what I've been reading, it appears a lot of members of the Academy don't see all the films in contention. Does that strike anyone else as dereliction of duty to the nth degree? I feel less than legit filling out an Academy Awards ballot at a friend's house when I haven't seen every film--how do these people live with themselves? It's like a skating judge at the Olympics rating skaters he hasn't seen--isn't it?

In a twisted sort of way, this fact makes the losses by "Brokeback" and Felicity Huffman that much easier to take--it wasn't a fair fight, not by a long shot. Really--the more I learn about the "Academy" the less the value the Oscars have. A pity, that.

Last night, we saw "Syriana," the film that got George Clooney his Oscar. It's a depressing, depressing film, but only because it speaks to a truth that most Americans are oblivious to--the whole damn world is at the mercy of major corporations, with nations and their leaders mere pawns in corporate power and resource grabs. News Flash: The world is run by greedy bastards.

(Like you didn't already know that.)

You know, it's hard out here for a liberal....

Well, that was depressing....

So, "Brokeback Mountain" was a little too "out there" for the Academy, no matter how cool George Clooney thinks the Academy is. Hattie McDaniels (SP?) can get an Oscar in 1939, but then a song about pimp/hos/bitches gets an Oscar in 2006?

Is this progress? (Would Miss McDaniels think so??)

And Reese Witherspoon as BEST ACTRESS???? Everyone who voted for her should be forced to listen to her acceptance speech over and over again for the next week. It is the only penance I can think of that suits the crime. My condolences to Felicity Huffman: You were robbed, Honey. Just robbed.

Per Ms. Witherspoon: I'm glad her folks gave her self-esteem, but they may have considered adding a little humility, just to balance things out a bit. Perhaps they could just throw her and me in a big bag and shake--we might come out bearably well-adjusted. (Might.)

(And did her hubby look truly happy for her? Or is he going the way of Hilary Swank's ex?)

Oy, vot a business! I'm sorry, but I am soooooo unhappy about this stupid awards show, it's embarrassing.

I am reminded that the Academy Awards is Hollywood's orgy of self-congratulation. Well, they may think it's somehow all cool and liberal and cutting edge to vote for a song about a pimp and a movie about racial tensions in their own benighted backyards, but it doesn't read cool to me, it reads: BIGOTED and SAFE.

Out of touch with America? Maybe. But out of touch with reality? Definitely.

What the hey....

Since the Academy Awards are upon us and I've seen all but one of the movies in contention for Best Picture ("Crash"--don't ask me how), I'm going to venture my guesses for the categories I give a rat's what-have-you about:

Best Picture: "Brokeback Mountain." And not just because it features homos on the range. The film was beautiful and heartbreaking and told a story that needed to be told, which could be said of "Munich" and "Good Night, and Good Luck" and even "Capote," but it was the most satisfying of the bunch. Key: I wouldn't change a thing--can't say that about the other films.

Best Actor: Heath Ledger in "Brokeback", though I think Phillip Seymour Hoffman may get it instead, for his freakishly accurate portrayal of Truman Capote. I was impressed by his Capote, really and truly, but Heath Ledger's Ennis was a tragic figure the likes of which I haven't seen in years--if ever.

Best Supporting Actor: I only saw "Brokeback," so can't say, but from what I've heard, George Clooney should get this. If Jake Gyllenhaal got it as part of a "Brokeback" sweep, that would be lovely--but I think George will get it, because his "Good Night, and Good Luck" won't get best picture (the Academy likes him, they really like him, and they'll want to give him something nice and shiny to take home).

Best Actress: Felicity Huffman in "Transamerica." I didn't see all of the contenders in this category, either, but was not taken by Charlize Theron's "Norma Rae" turn in "North Country," for some reason. And though I think Reese Witherspoon is delightful, her June Carter portrayal in "Walk the Line" didn't demonstrate the chops that Felicity Huffman did playing Bree, the MTF trans one operation away from fruition (so to speak). Incredible.

Best Supporting Actress: This is the toughest category by far, even though I didn't see two of the performances up for the Oscar. I have loved Frances McDormand for years, and looked forward to her return to the Upper Midwest in "North Country," for she was perfection as Marge Gunderson (SP?) in "Fargo." She was good in "North Country," but was she better than Catherine Keener in "Capote" and Michelle Williams in "Brokeback"? That's impossible to say. If I had to pick one of these actresses, I would have to pick Michelle Williams--but she's just slightly ahead of Catherine and Frances. Slightly.

Best Director: Ang Lee. He directed a perfect film. Perfect.

Best Screenplay (original): I didn't like "The Squid and the Whale" at all--pissy, unappealing straight people behaving badly. I didn't see "Crash" or "Syriana" or "Match Point." Which means I must pick "Good Night, and Good Luck," which isn't bad at all--but it could have been better....you know? (In a nutshell: Too much secretly married couple, not enough Edward R. Murrow.)

Best Screenplay (adaptation): "Brokeback Mountain," Larry McMurtry and Diana Ossana. Every scene belonged in the film, every word mattered, every action carried the story along--it was as perfect a script as I've seen. (But again, I didn't see all the contenders.)

So, though it matters not in the grand scheme of things, those are my picks for the major Oscars tonight. We shall see how it all goes in a few hours, eh? (I took the morning off from work tomorrow, so I can stay up for the whole glorious and boring business: WOO!)

Awwwwww

It's pledge season again on NPR, which is typically just a pain in the patoot. They try to be creative while they beg, but it's begging still, and it's just not as much fun to listen to as "Wait, Wait--Don't Tell Me!" or "Car Talk."

Anyway, my dear Linda made a pledge today, and dedicated it to the memory of my mother Elaine, who would have turned 86 tomorrow. Mother was a big fan of NPR--in fact, it was the only preset station on her radio. While that may have been because she couldn't figure out how to set more than one station, she would have been pleased by the gesture.

We heard the announcement of her "memorial" pledge together, and had a good cry.

On other fronts, we saw "Walk the Line" last night, and while I love Johnny Cash, I'm not sure I adored the movie about him and his June. Both Joaquin Phoenix and Reese Whitherspoon were appealing as all get-out, but was the film as compelling as, say, "Coal Miner's Daughter"? Don't think so.

It felt as though they pulled some punches, sanitized his story a bit.

But then, what do I know?

Lastly, picked up a couple more shows for the spring, which you can see here. Will provide more details as they become available. It's going to be interesting, trying to keep the comedy going while working in a full-time, fairly demanding job, but I'm going to keep at it as long as I can. We shall see, eh?