Isn't it romantic?

Have been reading the local San Diego paper while in Mexico, and came across this amusing song title under the heading, Top 5 Digital Songs: "My Life Would Suck Without You," by Kelly Clarkson.

And they say romance is dead.

What similarly underwhelming statements of appreciation could I concoct for my dear sweetie of 16 years? Reviewing recent events, the following come to mind:

"I Wouldn't Be 'Vacationing' in a Questionable Part of Mexico Without You"
Or: "My Knowledge of Enemas Would Be Nada Without You"

Need to noodle on this a bit more, perhaps.

On other fronts, I was also quite taken by another item in the paper featuring Bristol Pallin, Sarah Pallin's teenage daughter who also happens to be an unwed mother. While she asserts that teenagers should avoid having sex, she also admits that abstinence "is not realistic at all."

Thanks for clearing that up, Bristol!

Brattleboro and comedy on Feb. 27

I'm opening for Joe Wong two days after I return from Mexico at the Hooker-Durham Theatre and Gallery space in Brattleboro, VT. Learn more about the oh-so-reasonably priced show on Friday, Feb.27, by clicking here.

Not to worry, I will not have any "enema" material in my set. My experience "assisting" this procedure has been amusing, but not in a way I can easily convey. Besides, people are squeamish seeing the term in print; I can only imagine their reaction to hearing it on stage. Methinks I'd hear the crickets singing....

All I know is I am looking forward to this, for I have enjoyed amusing the folks at the clinic, but I want some stage time, and soon.

Look what I found!

In case this isn't legible, the website can be found here.

That's not all, people! I have a show in Brattleboro just when I get back (on Friday, Feb. 27), and will endeavor to find something similar for that (Joe Wong is the headliner; this much I know).

South of the border....

Am keeping myself amused while in not-so-sunny Mexico (a very large rain storm is upon us) by roaming the streets of the Internet. Am enjoying the fact that a lot of the pages I'm used to viewing (Google, for one major example) are in Spanish. A nice change, that, though it took me a while to figure out which word/phrase meant "sign in" for this blog (Acceder, I think).

Checked our home voicemail yesterday, and received a very amusing message from my Aunt Libby, a grand gal who is the last living member of my mother's generation of family. As such, she is well versed with the saga of the Republican branch discussed below, and learned from my sister about the comic coincedence at the Comedy Studio the other night. (My performing on the same stage as the daughter of my cousin, the GOP congressman, to be specific.)

"That's a kick," she said. "I didn't know anybody in that family had any humor."

Ouch. That's about as direct as my people get--and Libby has been known to vote Republican, so that's not her politics talking.

May explain why our families "lost touch" years ago, eh?

Show tonight!

Yes, tonight around 8:00 I have a 15-minute set at Alexander's Restaurant in Feeding Hills (Agawam?), MA. More info on my MySpace page (link to the right).

OVERDONE ALERT: As of yesterday, I have a Facebook page, too, for apparently I need to have more websites than Heinz has pickles....

The good news is that Facebook is not as youth-oriented as I had feared, especially as during registration it asked a lot of questions about where and went I went to school (including high school, as if that matters a whit). But once I put my site together, a veritable deluge of face cream ads appeared, and realized Facebook isn't for kids anymore.

On other fronts, an amusing thing happened at the Comedy Studio Thursday night. I had a good set, which of course, was amusing in its own way, but that's not the "thing." Another comic on the docket that night was a young woman, also from Wisconsin, who also made a good show. Since much commentary was made about the large Midwestern contingent that night, we chatted afterwards. I remembered her first name, but not her last, until I got home that night, and looked at the night's lineup. Funny, her last name was the same as that of my cousin the Republican congressman, who I discussed here (he keeps me from being the black sheep of the family, bless his heart). Turns out she is the daughter of that congressman, and while I e-mailed her to share my discovery, she hasn't e-mailed back.

Am guessing she hasn't responded because my branch of the family was not exactly looked upon favorably by her branch--while the congressman is a bit of an embarrassment to my liberal democratic family, our liberal, democratic ways likely made the congressman and his clan flinch.

She might not have even known about our family. Hope I didn't open a can o' familial worms. Or maybe I do--secrets are rarely a good idea.

Or maybe she just doesn't want to contemplate having a big, old dykesauras as a relative. One can see where that could be problematic, eh?

Oh well, it is amusing--and a little weird--to contemplate. It also suggests there may be some sort of standup comedy gene.

Oddness!

Comedy calendar update....

Sorry to send you packing, but I added as much information as I could gather on upcoming shows and plunked it on my MySpace page. (See links at right.)

If you're interested, that is. No pressure. This is Ann Podolske we're talking about, after all....

Ode to my bro'

Couldn't find a card that had just the right message for my brother's pending (1/30) birthday, so came up with this ditty:

Happy birthday to you

Brother's now sixty-two

There's still hope for you, Lew

But for what, haven't a clue

Not to worry, we are of the teasing = love school of affection. Linda approved, too, so I'm golden. Just hoping this and a bag full of mystery novels for his upcoming beach vacation with sister-in-law Donna will do the trick.

On other fronts, I learned that the Alexander's show is open to the public. The show is Saturday (1/31) night at 9 at Alexander’s Restaurant, 60 N. Westfield St, Feeding Hills, MA 01030-1606. Phone: 413-786- 1127 for more information from the venue.

Comedy coming up!

I am going to be at The Comedy Studio this Thursday night, which is great, for my friend Jennifer has been the Studio's Comic In Residence (CIR + BFD, truly) this entire month, and I was hoping to see her at least once during her run.

Saturday night, I'm doing a short set at Alexander's Restaurant in Agawam (Feeding Hills, to be specific). Am not sure of the particulars of this show--is it a private party or is anyone welcome--but when I do find out, I'll let you know.

Alas, it's time to feed the dog, so close I must. More to come!

More comedy on the docket

Hail and hello! It appears I've taken a long winter's nap, and am just getting up.

If only.

The good news is I have two shows coming up, but need more details before I can post anything. One is on Jan. 31 and is in Agawam (I think); the other is in March sometime and will be at the Log Cabin in Holyoke. That show is a all-woman comedy fundraiser, which bodes well.

Am also working on our friend Rick J of Comedy Studio fame for some spots, but he's playing hard to get. Well, when the fates smile upon me, I shall return. If they don't, I will survive (and yes, I'm hearing a disco anthem in my noggin' as I type this).

Otherwise, life is going along. Linda is feeling a little better after Tuesday's chemo, we will soon be bidding Pres. Bush a grateful farewell, I have today and tomorrow off, and it's not snowing. In fact, the driveway and walk are shoveled (when I have the time I do try to avoid using the snowthrow--one of my "green" attempts that sound good in theory, but my back is very unhappy with me for putting it into practice).

Am striving to be as optimistic as possible about our prospects in the coming year, both personally and politically. It's a challenge, but I have to believe hope can pay dividends. That said, I do have one big quibble about the political side of that quest. I think that Sen. Obama talks a good game about equality and justice, but if he believed it, why would he have that "gays are perverts" pastor on the docket for tomorrow? And why did he have that "ex-gay" pastor on the campaign trail in the South?

Why oh why, Obama?

Perhaps this is why I can't seem to put my "Hillary '08" hat away?

Oh well, we'll give the pup a chance (I say this, for he is younger than I am--what a terrible milestone! I am now at the age where I am older than the president!!!).

NICE show!

Saturday night at the Studio was the usual joy--there was a great crowd that was there to laugh (other nights it can seem they're there to critique), and that helped inspire a really good set. Kudos from other comics and a few dear members of the audience capped my night--while I drove there and back alone, I felt grand. It was good to be back at Rick's place!

Did mostly material on gay marriage, as I missed a protest on Saturday in my home town on the subject and felt a wee bit guilty. I took a nap instead of protesting, as I was going to be up WAY past my bedtime, and needed to be "fresh" (or as fresh as I get). This gal knows her limits. Linda, bless her heart, went and toted a sign based on a portion of one of my jokes.

Used to do disco naps; now I do comedy naps. What strange forms progress takes, uh?

What a relief!

The show went well, I'm happy to report, even though there were several signs that could have spelled Trouble for yours truly.

It was a room of working folks in a clubhouse setting. That night was a fundraiser for the club, featuring a roast beef dinner and comedy for $12. Yes--$12. But with a cash bar (yes, we see the wisdom of the pricing scheme now, don't we?).

They got an earful of lesbian- and gay-themed jokes from yours truly, and from the report offered by my friends and sweetie, they enjoyed them. Thoroughly. True, people got a little restless during my jokes on the alcoholism front, but considering many had what Rich Gustus called "bowling alleys" of beer bottles in front of them, I am not surprised.

Oh, and the mic died on me at one point.

But otherwise, a lovely night was had by all. I was comfortable up on stage (even when the mic went out--odd), and was happy to listen to Rich and Bill Campbell after my set. It was great to laugh, and our lone little lesbian table had themselves a hoot.

It's good to be back in the laugh business.

Dipping a toe into the comic water...

Tomorrow night I am opening for a comedy night in a town near Palmer I have never heard of--Bondsville. It will be my first set in a while, and I am looking forward to it, even if I've been so busy with work and what-all (yes, that includes Linda) I haven't had the time to really think about it. Much.

My biggest hurdle will be finding the place, then it will be a piece o' cake.

That's my story.....

Haven't logged in since the election, and I am soooooo happy that the country was ready for an African American president after all.

And the dear people of Massachusetts were wise enough to say "No" to a crazy tax cut, and say "Yes" to reduced penalties for pot and the end of mistreating dogs for entertainment purposes.

The only election-day downer was that a lot of anti-gay ballot "initiatives" were passed.

So, most Americans are cool with people of color, pot and puppies.

But not the likes of me.

Democracy ain't for sissies, apparently.

If memory serves, the puppies didn't do so well their first time on the ballot, either. So if we're following the footsteps of puppies, how bad could things be?

And maybe with enough pot, the homophobes of the world will relax....

Embracing simplicity or dumbing down?

Ah, Corporate America. I just came home from a day-long meeting to find that I have run afoul of a language policy. Little ol' me, Ann Podolske, daughter of an English teacher, Midwestern to the marrow and rule-follower to the nth degree, has crossed a line.

A simple line.

We are supposed to keep our communications simple, and that is a wonderful aim. A lot of what used to be distributed in the name of communication at Big Company was as engaging as a last will and testament. Of the stodgy, old school, our-verbal-density-is-the-sign-we-mean-business school of writing. Not engaging in the least.

So we all need to strive to avoid stodginess. Verbal diarrhea. Denser-than-lead sentences.

Got it! Endorse it!! You're signing my song!!!

But how simple is simple? Well, that's today's question, because I used the phrase "veritable cornucopia" to describe a newsletter, and that phrase was decreed not simple enough.

Am guessing the word "veritable" was the culprit, but who knows? I've had the word "cornucopia" drilled into my brain since childhood, as it features heavily in every story of the first Thanksgiving I've ever heard. But maybe people don't hear about cornucopias any more.

Is that it?

Harrumph.

I'm guessing I should have said, "There's a lot of good stuff in the newsletter." Or maybe: "Lots inside!"

But I'm not writing copy for Wal-Mart, I'm writing for professionals in a major corporation.

Professionals who can't grasp words like "veritable" and "cornucopia," in the opinion of one reviewer. I thought they could handle it.

Who's right? Well, they are, I guess. They changed the sentence, and I should report here what they changed it to, but I can't. Right. Now.

Am trying to think happy, positive thoughts, remember? ("The Secret" tells me so.)

So let me get this out: ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH!

Now I feel better.

Time to get back to (The Comedy) business

Things still are a bit up in the air at home (check out our CaringBridge site for details), but I've decided it's time to act "as if" life is returning to normal, even if we're not there. Yet.

Not that "normal" is what we're really aiming for, if you know what I mean.

Since I last posted here (in July!), I've become a married lady. Well, married lesbian. (My mother was a lady--me, I'm a woman who is called "Sir" on a regular basis.) Swept up in the romance of Linda's impending surgery, we decided to get hitched because many of our lesbian friends said it would make a big difference to the hospital staff if we were.

Yes, it was mostly a practical move. What do you expect from two women who have been together over 15 years, eh?

And while this is almost as embarrassing as admitting I own a Tony Little Gazelle, I also have been trying to adopt the practices suggested in "The Secret."

(Judge me at your peril, people. 8-)

No, we're not yet awash in health (focus #1) or wealth (#2), but we're doing really great on the love front. And my carcass is far less creaky, as I continue to tell myself that it's as perfect and flexible as a child's.

The only downside of this business is that after a nine-month absence, my period has come back to visit. Need to revise that mental focus a bit, perhaps. Maybe I should focus on having a body that's a perfect and flexible as a child's--with 49-year-old ovaries.

We shall see.

A full head o' teeth!

Yes, I blog after not blogging for ages, and I'm talking teeth. TEETH!

At 10:30 this morning my implant landed, and I can now plan on chewing on both sides of my mouth. I say "plan" for one must gently introduce said implant to the idea, over the next two weeks. (It's been over a year since that space had to do anything, after all.)

Isn't that fabulous?

(If that sounds pathetic, you must be under 40. File this away for later reference. Trust me, it won't sound quite so pathetic later on.)

We also have a bright yellow living room, for my Linda is following the suggestions of our feng shui consultant, and so our subtle green living room had to go. The problem? Green = growth, which is not a good idea when cancer is around, naturally.

Otherwise, there's not much new to report, but this [fill-in-your-favorite-expletive] implant has been vexing me for over a year (maybe two!), so this qualifies as good news.

And in case you missed it, we've been needing some good news around here.

Which reminds me: My bum knee also got the green light. I can exercise now. Woop-dee-do!

(That was a little bit of overkill, because while I appreciate being able to exercise, I really love the idea of being able to chew. It's all about priorities, people.)

One last exciting bit: Our friend Jennifer was on the cover of today's Daily Hampshire Gazette! Above the fold!!

Congratulations, Jennifer!

The Studio on a Saturday rarely disappoints....

And Saturday's show was no exception. My set went well, even though I had the ignoble task of being the first comic on the roster (after Rick opened, Jennifer was quick to point out). I took a bullet for the team, but it didn't hurt--the set worked, and that's all that matters. The best part of being first is that once my work was done, I was able to relax and enjoy the rest of the show--for before I got up on stage, I was a wreck nervosa. But according to at least one comic, it didn't show (thanks, Sandy).

As for highlights, Jennifer unleashed a callback that was just perfection.

On the other side of the spectrum, there was a comic who appeared to want to make a mockery of right-wing bigoted nut jobs, but instead just said a lot of things that were too mean-spirited to be funny. People were uncomfortable, yet the comic soldiered on--or was that what he wanted? (Me, I need a little warmer response than that to keep going.) It was an attempt at parody that failed, and only made me appreciate how difficult this comedy business can be. (It also made me grateful that I don't go in for characters and the like--my innate character will have to do.)

Well, that's it for shows for the foreseeable. I'll let you know when and if something else comes up, but I have a feeling it won't be until the fall. Stay tuned....

Girls! Girls! Girls! review

This was a very happy-making show for yours truly, in part because a great deal of people came out to see The Comedy on my behalf (21 peeps, per one friend) and in part because some new, Linda- and illness-related material worked (whew!). Was also very happy to perform with a very talented group of women--including Andrea Henry, who gave me an update on her baby Eve.

As performance nights go, they don't get much better than this. Good to know I can make the people laugh despite all the very un-funny business swirling around me.

My one remaining show for the foreseeable is on May 31 in Cambridge, and I likely won't be trying to get anything new going until the fall, when my gal is out of the woods.

Friendship redefined

I'm sorry if you've already seen this, but I had to share it here (it's also on the CaringBridge site--pardon any repeats). A friend of Linda's sent her a framed version of the following:

Friendship

Friendship is like pissing in your pants,
Everyone can see it,
But only you can feel its true warmth.
Thank you for being the piss in my pants.

Of course, "You are the wind beneath my wings" comes instantly to mind....

Pardon my vanishing act

This blog has been getting the fuzzy end of the lollipop, for I have been devoting my spare time to updating another blog--a CaringBridge site I developed for my gal Linda's large and far-flung group of friends and coworkers.

As you may have guessed, Linda's surgery on April 1 didn't go quite as well as we had hoped. She's starting chemotherapy next week, and until we get through to the other side of this particular journey, I probably won't be blogging much.

Well, except to vent about things that have no business on Linda's site. (Like my wish for a particularly hot place in Hades for those who design trojan viruses--not very nice of me, but really not very nice of them, either. So there.)

The benefit of benefits....

Had a good show at the Bluebonnet Diner last night, even if I didn't manage to have any pie. (I keep forgetting that one of the Bluebonnet's major claims to fame is pie. How can one forget such an important fact? HOW?)

Anyway, the show featured students of our own professor of comedy, Jerry Caruso, including yours truly and a fellow alumna, Holly Givens (she has some wonderful new material on her wedding, which is great, since I missed it--and now feel a little caught up).

Anyway, two students of a very recent class performed and did well for their first time in front of a "real" audience--I mean they spoke, formed sentences, and had punchlines. That impresses the heck outta me. And one gal who had dropped from the scene for a while came back--and I was very glad to see and hear her material. She's got the quirky market cornered, indeed.

One newbie even interacted with the audience. I haven't had the nerve to do that yet (five years since graduation--or is it four?).

Best of all, around $750 was raised for the Cancer Connection, which is a very good cause. If one if going to have a bizarre avocation, it's great to have a bizarre avocation that can occasionally make money for good causes, no?

Was quite surprised and charmed to see some friends show up--and they offered some tremendous support re my gal Linda and her upcoming surgery. Well, offered up may not be the correct term--I asked them outright to think about Linda on the 1st, and they kindly complied.

In fact, I have been asking people all over to support her in any way they can, and have been offered thoughts, prayers, meditations and well wishes.

Hey--if it's positive, we'll take it. Anything and everything, cheerfully accepted! If it all helps Linda's surgery and recovery go well, then it's all been worth overriding my natural Midwestern inclination to not ask for help. (As it's not help for me, personally, it's a little easier--a flimsy loophole, but a loophole nonetheless.)

We're even dragging a Higher Authority into the mix, when this Sunday we become members of the Haydenville Congregational Church. Considering the prevailing views toward the likes of me and Linda in places of worship, joining a church was something I never thought I'd do. I thought I'd be spending the rest of my life in church basements, thank you, only darkening the door of sanctuaries for weddings and funerals.

So much for that.

Of course, I could just be becoming my mother, as women are wont to do. (She was an industrial-strength church lady, to put it mildly.)

If I find myself wanting to play bridge or join a Great Books club or even The Women's International League of Peace and Freedom, then I'll know I'm really on the road to Becoming Elaine....

Hey, if I've learned anything so far, it's this: You never know.