It looks as though my kidneys have taken a major turn for the worse, and what looked liked weeks may now be days. Maybe a day.
Yesterday offered such an array of bad news, I don't know where to begin, but the details don't really matter--I'm dying far sooner than I thought. Yesterday the doctors gave me 1-3 days, and I will likely be slowly dying. From kidney disease caused by the multiple myeloma.
Please know I am not afraid of dying. What I am is is sad that I am going to be missing a big chunk of this wonderful, messy, loving and beautiful thing we call life.
To those of you who are friends reading this for the first time after I died, I'm sorry. I've been working on it, but I couldn't help it. Sorry!
Put my obituary today today, so look for it in the Daily Hampshire Gazette in early June, friends.
My friend Val will be updating this re regarding this regarding the funeral and such.
Thank you so much for your support and love over the course of my illness. Love to the nth to you all, Ann and the Bombshell
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49 comments:
Love to the nth degree right back at you, Ann. Peace, too. This world, and all of us who care so much about you, will miss you deeply. Thank YOU for sharing your love, kindness, grace, humor and courage. You've made this world brighter just by being wonderfully and authentically you.
Much love,
-Sarah
Dear Ann, in a moment of meeting I realize what a tremendous loss the world and I will suffer when you transition. You were so kind and present for Linda. I thank you for loving her so. I only hope that in your time of need your are surrounded with people as kind and loving as you. You will be missed. Say hello to Linda for me. God bless you.
All-
In case I can't get on Ann's blog, my email address is valcny@aol.com. I will post funeral information. Rest assured Ann is at peace and it surrounded by family and friends.
Love to you Ann. You will be missed tremendously. You made the world a much better place.
Andrea
I chanced upon your blog and was captivated by your sense of humor. This damnable myeloma we suffer from; well, I thought you would do ok Ann.Much of life is so unfair. For anybody. But we do the best we can, and we can learn from it and grow from it. I'm glad you are at peace. You made my life better each time I read your blog. The tears won't stop and I don't know you personally but I love you and will miss you. Rebecca Weber
Oh Ann, it has been a wonderful priveledge to have you in my life even if it wasn't for as long as I would have liked. I will miss you, remember you forever and love you. You touched so many hearts and made me laugh until I cried. Thank you for gracing this crazy world for as long as you did. Love, Jessie B.
PS I'm still really sorry about the last comic standing line.
and love to you, Ann. You have been an inspiration for all. God will bless you and say "hello" to Linda!
dearest Ann,
You've always been a light in the stormiest of seas; we know you'll keep a careful and loving watch over the messy lives among us. You are brave, loving, and so very precious.
With much love,
Bonnie, Alice, and canine Chico and soon to be among us, Jesse.
All love to you as you begin your transition. Your earthly presence will be a loss for humanity. But your lovingkind and beautiful energy will live on indefinitely in the hearts of those whose lives you have touched so beautifully. You have made the world a much gentler and warmer place. Thank you thank you thank you Goddess for having enriched us all by having walked parts of your path with you.
You will forever live in my heart as one of the most genuinely good people I have ever had the privilege to know.
Peace to you and for you, Ann. You are surrounded by love as you are gathered to God.
I love you so much and I will miss you terrible. God bless you very, very much!! Hope it is a happy trail! Big Love, Nancy P
Annie,
I'm so glad I got to talk with you this morning. I love you a ton and will miss you dearly...you're one of my oldest and dearest friends and we've been through thick and thin (okay, not so much thin on my end :)
Like it said on a card I saw recently: "A good friend will bail you out of jail. A great friend is sitting next to you saying 'Wow, that was fun.'" You were then, and are now, a great friend.
Love ya, Ducky
XXOO
Carol
Ann,
It has been such a blessing to know you these past years. We're so grateful for your humor and the many gifts that will remain in our lives. We pray that the universe gathers and keeps you in its loving arms, and will miss you dearly. Much, much love,
The gaggle o' kids & dogs known as the Durrant-West clan (Dale, Hannah, Parker, Rowan, Ezra, Ellis, and our furry friends Durham, Tucker, Squats, and Coco)
Ann, you are an incredible blessing in our lives, and we are so grateful to know you. You will be held in our hearts and minds, with kindness and laughter. Thank you for letting us into your life, and into Linda's. We will always be grateful for knowing you.
With love and affection,
Dana, MaryMeg & Nicky
Ann,
You are an amazing and remarkable woman. I wish you peace and love. I will remember you always.
Love
Kathy Bowler
Ann....
I am not ready to say goodbye...I can't do it. So, I hope for you all the love I can muster. Please know you have become so very important to me...and I will miss you always...
Love Pj and Peg
Dear Ann,
This is very sad and sudden news to me (I just heard about it from Hy). I wish you safe travels and a happy reunion with Linda (I may be an ex-Catholic but I still believe in a happy afterlife for loving ladies)....
With a kiss,
Su
Thank you for always living a sincere and uplifting and honest life, as you have done for as long as I've known you. You are a gift. Love love love, ~Erin Judge
Oh Ann-
Heaven is about to become a better place. It is a joy to know that you've been loved for who you are. Your legacy will live on in this world as you continue in the next. I've been quoting your routines for years now, in fact just today I was telling our newest housemate about your brilliant (and funny!) routine about "using homophobia as a power for good" to dissuade tailgaters on the road! I've been really missing seeing you on stage these past months. And now I've got to wait until I kick the bucket myself to see you perform again.
Bless you, girl!
Ann,
Though I don't know you personally I have been following your blog for several weeks...leaving a couple of comments here and there regarding MM resources. During this time I have been absolutely amazed at the genuine bravery you've shown through this ordeal that is MM...to face one's mortality and now morbidity with the generosity of spirit as you have is inspiring to all... partcularly to those of us who share an MM or related diagnosis. I find that my words are failing me right now but want to let you know, Ann, that a fellow mid-westerner is keeping you in his thoughts. Steve C.
Oh Ann, this is Anne. I am so sad to learn that your time is cut short. I am going to miss you and your warmth and humor. And - so much more. In the short time I've known you, you have been an unwavering presence for optimism, genuine loving, and caring. All this at a time when people are usually - and rightfully - focused on themselves. I admire your spunk and spirit.
I doubt you will see this, but you know that my thoughts and prayers are with you. A wise Buddhist teacher assured me again recently that "what we are is not really harmed by the appearance of death." You will go on, and not just in the hearts and minds of those who love (even adore) you. That I know.
Jane
Dear Ann,
Thank you for your humor, your light, and your love.
Guess Linda has called you to her and you are off to make the angels laugh their butts off...if angels have butts. You'll have to let us know.
So much love and peace to you.
Blessings always,
Toby
Dear Ann, You're in my thoughts so very much. And I feel that I'm a better person for having known you; you have, indeed, helped to make this world a better place. Peace, love and gentleness to you, my dear. You will be sadly missed.
With love,
Kate
Dear Ann,
I am so glad to have gotten to know you, and Linda as well, even if the time was too short. I will miss you, and wish you a quiet and peaceful transition.
-love, Lynn G
Ann, it has been a privilege to know you and to laugh with you...I feel blessed that our paths have crossed.
Anne-Marie
Ann,
Lots of Love and may you go with knowing that you will be lifted up to God's awaiting arms, via a web of prayers! I Love you and will miss you a lot!
Love,
E.D.
Dear Sweet Ann, not only are you a role model for living life, but you are a role model on how to leave life. Your wisdom is beyond your years. Love you, Gina and Marcelle
The way you live your life: embracing experience without denial or delusion, eyes wide open, heart wide open, is such an inspiration to me! Thank you. Peace.
-Mary Chapin
Dear Ann- How wonderful it has been to know you. I will miss you dearly. May the brightest of lights guide you home to Linda's arms. With love always, Sarah Icklan
Safe and peaceful trails, Ann. Your humor and spirit will never be forgotten. Wishing you many positive thoughts, and a peaceful transition.
May you feel the love shown here...even from those of us who never got the chance to meet you. You have made a difference in this life.
Linder is waiting....with open arms, for her lover and best friend. The Bombshell will be loved and taken good care of. Everything is in place for your peaceful cross over the Rainbow bridge to the rest of your life.
I will miss you..more than you know...
Pj
Ann, your kindness, your strength of spirit and your boundless sense of humor have been blessings not only to those close to you but to anyone you encountered - and it takes a very special soul to brighten the lives of people they hardly know. May you find all the peace, laughter and joy you so greatly deserve.
Chris C.
Ann, this is Boney. I'm balling!! I cant believe this. I thought it was a dark joke at first (you know comedians)...but its not.
Ann you ROCK!! I have the deepest love and respect for you and I'll never forget you!!
I'll be praying for a miracle cause I dont want you to go.
Love you
Kim
Dear Ann,
Loved your blog comments. Since I am a spiritualist not a congregationalist, I look forward to continuing to hear from you from the other side. Give Jesus et. al. a great big hug from me - and as for your wonderful, funny, smart and handsome self, well, consider yourself already hugged. Thank you for sharing your gifts with us. Save me a seat at the Big Meeting in the sky.
Love, Cheryl Stevens
Awh Ann you're making me cry. You really helped me one night in early recovery, it was only a few words of encouragement but it meant a lot at the time...
Love
John Moses
Ann, I want to say how touched I've been by your consistent, honest and brave writing throughout Linda's and now your illness. My sense is that it's been deeply important to you, and I want to honor that by saying what a poignant, lovely, touching and sad story it has been to follow. Thank you for sharing that with us and for leaving us with that gem. It has also been lovely to see what a blanket of love - from friends and family - you have been wrapped in, and I believe that will carry you . You are leaving all of us better for having known you or read your story. We will miss you in this world.
Ann, I know heaven is a happy place, but is it ready for the laughter you will bring to it. Imagine the celebration Linda has planned for you. And, Lord knows I'm not a doctor, but I truely believe your illness is a broken heart : )
All my love,
Tricia Parolo
Ann, I want you to know that I feel blessed to know you. Thank you for sharing yourself so openly. Your grace and humor will always be a reminder to me to live life to the fullest. You really have left a positive footprint on the earth.
Kellie Paluck
Ann...you truly are one in a million. No matter what happened in your life you always were upbeat and happy. That is a quality that most people do not possess. You will be sadly missed. Chris O'Neill
Dear Ann,
I will never forget how your Midwestern kindness and wit reminded me of home! You always kept me laughing and no matter what happened, the glass was never half-empty. I'm greatful that I got to know you while you were here with us. Robert and I will both miss you immensely.
With thoughts of love and peace,
Sarah Morris & Robert Schmidt
Dear Ann, I sent this message to you via Mary. But am inspired to boost my IT skills after reading your Blog so I am posting it her too.
My heart can not convey my deep gratitude for your smiles; generosity (use of your car); humor; strength and justice filled life. Our connection allthough short was authentic. Your loving smile and heart will be missed. You are one fine lesbian sister and a fabulous "dyke to watch out for".
Good & peaceful passing my dear.
Blessings and love
WHAT A SHAME, I NEVER GOT TO MEET THIS WONDERFUL LADY. I AM A FRIEND OF HER SISTER, BETH AND HAVE BEEN FOLLOWING HER BLOG FOR QUITE A WHILE.
LOOKS LIKE SHE WILL BE BACK WITH LINDA SOONER THAN SHE THOUGHT.
I WISH HER AND HER FAMILY PEACE
Love - right back atcha!
I have been blessed to have had the opportunity to know you. I thank you for the many times you have lifted me up with your humor.
You will be deeply missed. I have heard that our spirits live on and that the next life is full of love, peace and kindess. So with that having been said; you will fit in perfectly.
Love,
Terry Sheldon
Dear Ann,
you are in our hearts and in our minds. We send you lots of love and prayers,
Francesca and Adriana
Ann, I am so sorry to have heard of your illness. I've been offering up prayers ever since I found out. I periodically have been checking the blog, hoping for the best. So glad to have had the pleasure of working with you. You were such a joy and so much fun. Love,
Lisa Shaw
Ann,
I wish you peace. May you dance with all of the Angels and Linda forever more. Thanks for being simply wonderful.
God Bless You
Michele E.
Love to you Ann. Your smile and humer was a light to the world.
You will be missed.
Peace to you.
Dance on the stars below.
Sandy B.
Go in Pease.
Go see your lovely wife.
She awaits you.
You will be missed.
Thank you for being you.
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