This is what the Mother of All Juicers looks like--here's hoping someone finds her devastatingly attractive, eh? (She is a shiny creation, no?) Sunday, December 27, 2009
In case you were wondering...
This is what the Mother of All Juicers looks like--here's hoping someone finds her devastatingly attractive, eh? (She is a shiny creation, no?) 
It's the most heartbreaking time of the year....
Am finding it hard to believe that Christmas is over. Christmas Eve was a beautiful service at church with hugs galore; Christmas morning was spent taking my sweet time getting ready, walking the Bombshell, then visiting Chloe & Isaiah's moms for a bit. The rest of Christmas was spent with my dear friend Jennifer and her beau Scott; we went to the movies ("It's Complicated," a nice piece of fluff, as long as one doesn't contemplate it too long) and then had dinner (Jennifer knows her way around the kitchen, let me tell you!). Sweetness all around.
Speaking of sweetness, during my visit to the under-three set, Chloe said something very dear about my taking good care of Linda to make her better; brought tears to my eyes for a number of reasons. The most tear-inspiring being Chloe's take on things and the fact that my care wasn't enough to save our gal. I know, I know--a number of the best oncologists on the Eastern Seaboard (if not in the entire U.S.) couldn't save our gal either, so there's plenty of ineffectiveness to go around.
Nearly four months out, I am missing Linda more. Found myself in her closet yesterday, gathering an armful of her shirts for an inanimate group hug. Was reassuring, somehow.
Was wondering if I was ready to send her clothes packing yet. I don't think so.
Well, I was going to attempt to load some photos from the camera this afternoon (pictures of the demon juicer, most urgently), so close I must. Before I do, allow me to pass on something a dear colleague at Big Company wrote to me last week. I don't remember it verbatim, but she wrote that after about 20 tries at coming up with the right holiday wish for me, she landed on this: "May your holidays not suck as much as they could."
Works for me. Wishing all that--and more--for you.
Speaking of sweetness, during my visit to the under-three set, Chloe said something very dear about my taking good care of Linda to make her better; brought tears to my eyes for a number of reasons. The most tear-inspiring being Chloe's take on things and the fact that my care wasn't enough to save our gal. I know, I know--a number of the best oncologists on the Eastern Seaboard (if not in the entire U.S.) couldn't save our gal either, so there's plenty of ineffectiveness to go around.
Nearly four months out, I am missing Linda more. Found myself in her closet yesterday, gathering an armful of her shirts for an inanimate group hug. Was reassuring, somehow.
Was wondering if I was ready to send her clothes packing yet. I don't think so.
Well, I was going to attempt to load some photos from the camera this afternoon (pictures of the demon juicer, most urgently), so close I must. Before I do, allow me to pass on something a dear colleague at Big Company wrote to me last week. I don't remember it verbatim, but she wrote that after about 20 tries at coming up with the right holiday wish for me, she landed on this: "May your holidays not suck as much as they could."
Works for me. Wishing all that--and more--for you.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Maybe The Comedy will help?
Have signed up for an open mic this Thursday in Palmer. Yes, that's about an hour away from here, but it's not as though there are gadzillions of open mics from which to choose in Northampton, yes?
And I shouldn't complain about that state of affairs unless I'm willing to do something about it, like start up an open mic myself (which is really about as likely as my becoming the Queen of Romania).
The details re Thursday's fun (dare we hope?):
The Route 20 Funnies
Thursday December 17, 2009 @ 8pm
Hosted by Ian Shea and Forris Day Jr.
At Crossroads Sports Bar on Rt 20 in Palmer, MA
crossroadsrt20.com
Otherwise, I have more plans for Christmas (in addition to dinner and movies): Hooray! Still, today at work we had a meeting with a speaker who felt compelled to tell many stories featuring widows. Of course, I work at a business that caters to the widow proposition, so I get it. But I could have lived without hearing so many references to the "w" word, you know?
On other fronts, at tonight's bereavement group we began a "show and tell" series, where members of the group tell the story of their loved one who has recently died. Heartbreaking, but sweet. My turn isn't for two weeks, which is just fine with me. Linda's obituary appeared in today's mail, courtesy of the latest issue of The Lesbian Connection. It was surprisingly jarring to see it, even though I submitted it for publication.
More proof that Linda is no longer here. The desire to shout, "Craptastic!" persists.
And I shouldn't complain about that state of affairs unless I'm willing to do something about it, like start up an open mic myself (which is really about as likely as my becoming the Queen of Romania).
The details re Thursday's fun (dare we hope?):
The Route 20 Funnies
Thursday December 17, 2009 @ 8pm
Hosted by Ian Shea and Forris Day Jr.
At Crossroads Sports Bar on Rt 20 in Palmer, MA
crossroadsrt20.com
Otherwise, I have more plans for Christmas (in addition to dinner and movies): Hooray! Still, today at work we had a meeting with a speaker who felt compelled to tell many stories featuring widows. Of course, I work at a business that caters to the widow proposition, so I get it. But I could have lived without hearing so many references to the "w" word, you know?
On other fronts, at tonight's bereavement group we began a "show and tell" series, where members of the group tell the story of their loved one who has recently died. Heartbreaking, but sweet. My turn isn't for two weeks, which is just fine with me. Linda's obituary appeared in today's mail, courtesy of the latest issue of The Lesbian Connection. It was surprisingly jarring to see it, even though I submitted it for publication.
More proof that Linda is no longer here. The desire to shout, "Craptastic!" persists.
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Grief Months Three and Four: Things get worse. Hooray!
Had a good weekend, which is no small thing when one has a slight fog bank developing between one's ears.
Friday night was games night at B and D's, and it was good to spend some time with them in a non-funeral or medical environment. Progress! Well, for the most part. For a minute I felt it was a big mistake to be there (have been feeling more down this past week, and didn't know if I could rally to the occasion), but I managed to, again for the most part.
Saturday I took an old friend/coworker from NYC to lunch. She loves all things Dalai Lama, so of course I took her to the Lhasa Cafe. Delicious! Spiritual! What's not to like?!
Saturday night was dinner at H's with said NYC friend as well, and it was good to hang with the old gang. Though I must say, I don't miss the job. At all. The people one works with, however, are always the thing that make a job worth doing, and this job was no exception.
Today was church, of course, and I found myself agreeing to a volunteer gig that starts in March (am hoping I'll feel more like myself by then...or a reasonable facsimile). It was suggested to me years ago to never say no to a service opportunity (though I did say no to something right after Linda passed--I think there are limits to any suggestion, don't you?).
This afternoon I had plans to tackle paperwork, but tackled other things instead. Watched a few episodes of the "Vicar of Dibley" (I think that's how you spell it), a mild British comedy that I love, then put up some new and different pictures in the bedroom and living room, as well as the guest room (which is really Linda's room still). Then, as it was snowing out, I found the need for a nap, and Shwea and I had a short but sweet snooze.
This evening I tackled a recipe that required the use of a food processor. Linda and I resisted the purchase of a food processor for some reason, but why I cannot say. Since I don't remember why, I decided to buy a food processor so I could make this recipe. And other things, I imagine. Eventually.
My maiden voyage with the processor was to make a pesto sauce with almonds and cheese and other lovely things. Miracle of miracles, it actually turned out to be very tasty.
It certainly felt better to eat this than something I ordered by phone or picked up at a restaurant, I'll tell you that. Problem is it took a silly amount of time to make, but at least I have enough of it for a good long while.
Last but not least, I finally took pictures of the enormous juicer that has been taking up about a third of my counter space, and then--this qualifies as yet another miracle--I packed it up in its box and got it ready to go.
So, I may not have tackled paperwork, but I tackled a good number of other things. Happy day! Well, for the most part. I'll take it....
Friday night was games night at B and D's, and it was good to spend some time with them in a non-funeral or medical environment. Progress! Well, for the most part. For a minute I felt it was a big mistake to be there (have been feeling more down this past week, and didn't know if I could rally to the occasion), but I managed to, again for the most part.
Saturday I took an old friend/coworker from NYC to lunch. She loves all things Dalai Lama, so of course I took her to the Lhasa Cafe. Delicious! Spiritual! What's not to like?!
Saturday night was dinner at H's with said NYC friend as well, and it was good to hang with the old gang. Though I must say, I don't miss the job. At all. The people one works with, however, are always the thing that make a job worth doing, and this job was no exception.
Today was church, of course, and I found myself agreeing to a volunteer gig that starts in March (am hoping I'll feel more like myself by then...or a reasonable facsimile). It was suggested to me years ago to never say no to a service opportunity (though I did say no to something right after Linda passed--I think there are limits to any suggestion, don't you?).
This afternoon I had plans to tackle paperwork, but tackled other things instead. Watched a few episodes of the "Vicar of Dibley" (I think that's how you spell it), a mild British comedy that I love, then put up some new and different pictures in the bedroom and living room, as well as the guest room (which is really Linda's room still). Then, as it was snowing out, I found the need for a nap, and Shwea and I had a short but sweet snooze.
This evening I tackled a recipe that required the use of a food processor. Linda and I resisted the purchase of a food processor for some reason, but why I cannot say. Since I don't remember why, I decided to buy a food processor so I could make this recipe. And other things, I imagine. Eventually.
My maiden voyage with the processor was to make a pesto sauce with almonds and cheese and other lovely things. Miracle of miracles, it actually turned out to be very tasty.
It certainly felt better to eat this than something I ordered by phone or picked up at a restaurant, I'll tell you that. Problem is it took a silly amount of time to make, but at least I have enough of it for a good long while.
Last but not least, I finally took pictures of the enormous juicer that has been taking up about a third of my counter space, and then--this qualifies as yet another miracle--I packed it up in its box and got it ready to go.
So, I may not have tackled paperwork, but I tackled a good number of other things. Happy day! Well, for the most part. I'll take it....
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Oh, crap--I forgot to make plans!
It's just beginning to dawn on me that all the plans that Linda and I had are out the window.
I need to make new plans. Not today, thank Whomever, but one o' these days.
Just had a good, relaxing weekend with my brother and sister-in-law in the Delmarva region of the world, aka Lower, Slower Delaware. Wondered if I might want to live down there someday, maybe when I retire. Linda and I always said we wished we lived closer to those crazy kids; maybe that should be part of my new plan.
But then, maybe not. It might be foolish to leave a state that actually considers me a full citizen. (That sigh of relief you hear is coming from my brother.)
Otherwise, I find that I am having more trouble remembering things. This, apparently, is normal for grieving people around three or four months after their dearly beloved slips off the mortal coil, according to a member of my bereavement group.
I'm more forgetful, but it's normal. Hope I remember that next time I forget something.... (Won't pursue that train of thought any further; getting dizzy just contemplating it.)
Better not make plans, either.
I'll probably just forget them, eh?
I need to make new plans. Not today, thank Whomever, but one o' these days.
Just had a good, relaxing weekend with my brother and sister-in-law in the Delmarva region of the world, aka Lower, Slower Delaware. Wondered if I might want to live down there someday, maybe when I retire. Linda and I always said we wished we lived closer to those crazy kids; maybe that should be part of my new plan.
But then, maybe not. It might be foolish to leave a state that actually considers me a full citizen. (That sigh of relief you hear is coming from my brother.)
Otherwise, I find that I am having more trouble remembering things. This, apparently, is normal for grieving people around three or four months after their dearly beloved slips off the mortal coil, according to a member of my bereavement group.
I'm more forgetful, but it's normal. Hope I remember that next time I forget something.... (Won't pursue that train of thought any further; getting dizzy just contemplating it.)
Better not make plans, either.
I'll probably just forget them, eh?
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